“Two rights, a left at the garden and a half mile past the bronze statue.” According to my uncle, these are the directions from his house to the library. TWO RIGHTS…LEFT AT THE GARDEN…PAST STATUE. He sounded so confident and so, I was too until the left turn at the garden put me on a dead end road into a cemetery. At that moment I felt like a lamb to the slaughter and immediately realized I was lost. When I called my uncle to tell him the situation, he just couldn’t understand whereI went wrong because his directions were perfect. He put on this whole performance, talking about how I never listen and I must’ve made a wrong turn, etc. Again he repeated, “Two rights, left at the garden and half mile past the bronze statue.” Getting nowhere with him, I decided to head back to his house and that’s when I finally saw it. On the corner before the community garden was a small floral shop called “The Garden.” Believing it wasn’t just coincidental, I turned down that street, came upon the bronze statue and finally found the library. Yeah, I guess I really don’t listen!
When it was Dennis’ turn to present his science project, the teacher’s reaction was underwhelming. There were a great variable of projects in the classroom and on the surface, his papier-mâché volcano was no big thrill. The teacher scowled and said, “Surely you’re capable of doing better than this!” Dennis immediately cringed as the other kids began laughing at him. At that moment he wished he could become invisible. The teacher’s foible of being mean to students clearly had gone too far this time. Straining to see through his tears, Dennis slowly returned to his seat, while the children continued to poke fun at him.
When class was dismissed Dennis stayed behind, standing right outside the classroom door as his teacher closely examined the kid’s science projects one last time. And that’s when it happened!Dennis pressed the detonator button on a tiny remote and his volcano erupted, spewing “lava” all over the teacher’s beautiful flower patterned dress.
“No, he hasn’t called met. Maybe he’s just not interested. It’s cool, I didn’t really like him that much anyway so, whatever. He was so….oh, hold on, got another call…..OMG, it’s him, IT’S HIM!!! Should I answer?…K bye!”
Henry and his wife Ann just moved to the area about a month ago, so they were delightfully surprised to receive their first party invitation. Ann started feeling nervous as Henry read the particulars, realizing the party was in two days. She immediately shouted, “WHAT AM I GOING TO WEAR?” and suggested they buy new outfits. Henry quickly rebuffed that idea, reminding Ann of her custom-built closet full of clothes.
The day had come and Ann was excited to finally have someplace to wear her cute little black dress and pink shoes. As she applied makeup and curled her hair, Henry sat in his slacks and polo shirt watching the game and enjoying the breeze from their oscillating fan.
As soon as they arrived at the party, Ann was confused by the guest’s attire. The men were in double-breasted suits standing beside their wives, who wore elegantly fitted dresses. The hosts approached, visibly disappointed, and asked, “Did you not understand the theme Vanderbilt House Party?” Henry glanced at the invitation again and realized his oversight. “Oh, I thought that was your name since the party is at your house,” he explained. Embarrassed by laughter in the background, Ann simply turned and walked out the door.